she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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