Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
