What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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