everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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