bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
