puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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