ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
