If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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