i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
