I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
