I think my fart just growled at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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