shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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