remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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