I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
