Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FUCK WHALES
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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