How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
