Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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