I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
