yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
