Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
