I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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