I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
