3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
