She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
