We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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