I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
