so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
