It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize