i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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