benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
