not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
