the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
