Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
