3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
