did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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