I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is wine microwaveable?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
