She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
