you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
