I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
