I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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