that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
