sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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