i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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