Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
