oh god the rape fog is back!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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