shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my vagina is haunted
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
