im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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