Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
