Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.

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  (651): It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave. http://tfl.nu/tj8s
  Replies (87) Good night (562) Bad night (4372)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?

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  (702): shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant? http://tfl.nu/i5gg
  Replies (8) Good night (541) Bad night (2786)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

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  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5969) Bad night (1045)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.

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  (513): There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/7obs
  Replies (13) Good night (4104) Bad night (938)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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  (443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld
  Replies (10) Good night (775) Bad night (4354)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it

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  (606): I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it http://tfl.nu/8mat
  Replies (6) Good night (2821) Bad night (1025)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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  (479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c
  Replies (4) Good night (2852) Bad night (1090)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.

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  (617): now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon. http://tfl.nu/epth
  Replies (14) Good night (3100) Bad night (1999)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?

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  (303): What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night? http://tfl.nu/ofgo
  Replies (3) Good night (2231) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.

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  (907): Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/278e
  Replies (20) Good night (6529) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.

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  (724): We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila. http://tfl.nu/zwy5
  Replies (5) Good night (1082) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.

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  (410): Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/1cgp
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!

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  (612): Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend? (701): In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing! http://tfl.nu/fqw2
  Replies (11) Good night (2020) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket

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  (707): Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket http://tfl.nu/p2ny
  Replies (2) Good night (700) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?

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  (915): She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex? http://tfl.nu/yio0
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (287)

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