Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
