You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
