I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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