I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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