she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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