Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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