I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
