We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
