New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you have feelings for this penis?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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