Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
