Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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