Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
