There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
