Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
