Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
