She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
