i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
