So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
