i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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