I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
