Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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