I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
