I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
