Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
