She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
