thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
